A true friend helps you bury the body

Well she's been here 13 full days now and I am pulling my hair out and taking it out on Chad. So far I've been to 5 Walgreens, the supermarket 7 times, we've been to 4 dollar store and to Walmart twice (that's actually a record in itself since usually by now we'd have been atleast 4 times.) She makes me drive all over town to save 20 cents on vegetables or to every dollar store in the city to buy rubber gloves that don't have powder in them. She won't buy the $1.29 gloves because really why would you spend the extra 29 cents on the right gloves when you haven't been able to find the right pair for $1.00. She takes 10 minutes trying to decide whether the 72 plastic spoons are just too many, because obviously the 24 pack just isn't enough. All we watches on TV is Animal Planet and game shows and when we watch something I want she makes her smart remarks about it. She gets on me about wearing jeans on Xmas (just like I've done the past 10 years) and my doc martens aren't lady like and they're clearly why I have foot pain. I'll tell you I've got a pain in the ass and I won't be rid of that until March!

I need a hockey stick to hit those damn little balls! 

Have you seen my balls?

Thanks to my wonderful Chad I got golf clubs for Xmas like I wanted. Today he took me out the driving range and I got my very first lesson. I think I did OK. I got 48 balls. I hit 4 pretty good shots, 3 so-so shots and the rest were just crap but I feel really good about it! Chad is a pretty good coach except when he was yelling at me about my boobs getting in the way of my arms. All I gotta say is he's never had a pair so what the hell is he yelling at me for? I start my official lessons on January 26th for six weeks and hope to improve greatly. If not, then I will just go out and "Happy Gilmore" my way through 18 holes. My arms are pretty sore, didn't really think I'd be getting a work out just standing there. But the best part was I had the prettiest golf bag out there and after all that's what really counts!!

It's the most crapiest time of the year!

Am I alone in hating this holiday? It seems every year it only gets worse. The radio stations start with the xmas music earlier and earlier ( a week before thanksgiving this year, next year it'll probably be playing on Halloween.) Then the entire population sticks their heads so far up their butts that you are left suffering for it. They forget how to drive, plow you down in the aisles at the store, make a giant mess of the aisles and leave it there for everyone else to trip over and particularly here at home, the mexicans all go out and they just have to bring the entire extended family with them whereever they go. Good luck trying to get around them. Then you have to empty out your bank account or max out your credit cards to buy gifts for everyone when in reality you hate most of the jerks you're buying for (I don't hate any of you jerks ofcourse!) Then the entire city closes down for a day and half. All I gotta say is what about those poor jews. What are they supposed to do? I get scroogier every year. Then it's all better on the 26th, so all that crap we go through is all leading up to this day that's supposed to be about Jesus, don't get me started on that either. Christmas was fun when we were children but long gone are those days, tear! In all honesty I have a wee bit of holiday cheer but it should be all gone by this time next year. Hope you guys have a great day off and hope you all get exactly what you wanted from Santa, that crazy bastard!

Rodents of unusually large sizes? I don't think they exist!! 

Just wanted to put some beauty in my blog. Took this picture a couple of months ago when we started to get all this regular rain. the date on my camera was wrong 

Random news and other nonsense

I have been very busy with work this week. For anyone who doesn't know, I work with the village retards at the local community college. One of those retards decided to call in a bomb threat on Tuesday. I'm not complaining though, I had half the day off after all.
I also sold my first "expensive" item on ebay the other day. I sold my old door stop of a computer for a final bid of $112.50 but the guy who won never paid and so I still own my door stop for the time being.
Talked to Maria the other day. She is my mother's friend from way back in the communist days in the mother land. I asked her to help me track down my dad and she agreed but I am not getting too excited just yet. For no apparent reason no one talks about my dad or likes to give me too much information about him. She may just have said yes and may end up blowing me off about it later, we'll see. Don't really know what I would do if I did meat him but it will probably look like one of those talk show scenes where everyone is doing one of those ugly face hysterical crying things!
Aunt Lucy will be here next week. I love to have her here but check back with me in February!
Stay tuned. I am trying to get a picture of Chad in his recently purchased orange "shorts" on the blog.

Featherless Chicken

Chad is working the overnight shift all this week so needless to say I am sleeping with one eye open, my baseball bat at my side, two phones on the night stand and night lights on in 3 out of 6 rooms. Yes I am a chicken with a capital C. I watch too much news and everynight there is some story of some woman being violated by some home invader. If you've ever been on my street then you should you know where I am coming from. Just in case, I am prepared and won't go down without a fight!
The other night we went to eat chinese and they have a karoake machine next to the "bar." The chinese (sorry "asian" as Chad would correct me) manager got up and started to sing during dinner. Everything from Phil Collins to Elton John, all very badly. He made William Hung sould good! It was hard to get through dinner because I was laughing so much.

Where do you keep your pajamas?

So it has become evident that I am crazy. I have always kept my pajamas under my pillow (well really this is only when I clean the house, normally their on the bed or floor). Last night Chad found his pajama bottoms under my pillow. I put them there so because we had company on Thanksgiving. I just assumed he knew to look under there for them because I have done this in the past. Well apparently I am the only person who does this. Amy puts hers in a drawer and Jamie hangs hers up. CHad leaves all over the house! I guess it's one of my idiosyncrasies.